Chapter 34: The Following People Are Going to Hell

Now I don’t even believe in Hell, but I do find the idea comforting at times.

I like to think there is some sort of divine retribution for those who commit truly heinous acts against their fellowman- or their tastes and sensibilities.

I used to make mental lists of people I wanted to be in First Class on the first intergalactic, passenger carrying, nuclear missle, but I couldn’t think of anyone I hated enough to seat them next to Kathy Lee Gifford.  Instead, I’ve gone back to the simple idea that these people will spend eternity burning in hell.  Please note:  All these people are supposedly still living, therefore there  is time for them to atone for their sins.

  1. The person who invented Crocs.
  2. Adults who wear Crocs who aren’t gardening or have a medical excuse
  3. The person who invented paper napkins that dispense like toilet paper on a roll.
  4. Everyone at Fox News
  5. George W Bush
  6. The entire Senior Management Team at USAirways
  7. Dick Cheney
  8. The people who started the trend of wearing flip-flops outside one’s own home or at the beach.
  9. People who wear shorts and/or halter tops- male or female- on airplanes and complain about being cold.
  10. Sarah Palin
  11. John Edwards
  12. The person who invented double-knit polyester pants.
  13. Pat Robertson-who will meet his friend Jerry Falwell there
  14. Bob McDonnell, Governor of Virginia
  15. Ken Cuccinelli, Attorney General of Virginia
  16. The people who build off site Rental Car Centers that require you to drag your luggage onto a bus to get there
  17. People who text while driving
  18. People who talk on their cell phones while driving instead of paying attention to the road and those around them.  In other words, most of them…
  19. Everyone who is cruel to animals
  20. Phyllis Schlafly and all the men at “Concerned Women for America”
  21. Ann Coulter
  22. Those who are so sure they are going to heaven and everyone else is not
  23. Bobby Brown-for ruining Whitney Houston’s life and career
  24. Whitney Houston for marrying Bobby Brown and doing that reality show
  25. Everyone involved with any reality TV series–especially Jon and Kate Goslin, whoever they may be
  26. Lindsay Lohan– and her Mother and Father
  27. All people who wear the same clothes to work they would wear to wash the car or mow the grass
  28. Helicopter Parents
  29. The TV Executive at CBS who cancelled “Moonlight”
  30. Everyone involved in financing the Tea Party
  31. All the Tea Party Candidates
  32. Bullies
  33. The person who invented “Great Rooms”
  34. Bill O’Reilly
  35. Glenn Beck
  36. The entire cast of “Jersey Shore”
  37. Mel Gibson
  38. The people who set the outrageous rates at “Assisted Living” facilities
  39. All Politicians who want to cut or privatize Medicare, Veterans Benefits and Social Security
  40. The person at the Gym who sets the TV over the Trainer’s Desk to Fox News so I’m forced to watch it
  41. High School Physical Education teachers from the 1970’s
  42. Bigots
  43. People who think “facts” are irrelevant
  44. People who are so Politically Correct they have no sense of humor
  45. People who still insist the Civil War was about States Rights and not about Slavery
  46. People who run Insurance Companies
  47. People who wear Tank Tops
  48. People who recline their seats on Airplanes taking even more space away from the person behind them
  49. People who talk during movies, plays or concerts-especially those who talk on their cell phones during outrageously expensive Broadway shows.
  50. People who speed outrageously, weaving in and out of traffic, so they can get to the stop light 1 second ahead of me

This is a living list….more to come.


This is a revised repost from my other blog:

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6 Responses to Chapter 34: The Following People Are Going to Hell

  1. Vicki says:

    Bravo on all, but especially no. 29. Are you watching “Hawaii Five-O?” He’s pretty good in it.

  2. I think someone’s earned himself a martini.

  3. Scott M says:

    Thanks, Doug! I wish…now that I have the new Personal Trainer, I can’t eat, much less drink….

  4. Chelsea Shields says:

    I LOVE reading through you blog, Scott!

    Also, I despise Ken Cuccinelli…. he makes my BLOOD BOIL.

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